did you pay attention during Trainspotting?

From
one Scots friend to another.......

You know you are a true
Scot  if...........

1. Ye can properly pronounce
McConnochie,  Ecclefechan, Milngavie,
Sauchiehall St, St Enoch, Auchtermuchty
and Aufurfuksake.

2. Ye actually like deep fried battered pizza fae  the
chippie.

3. Yer used tae four seasons in wan day.

4. Ye canna pass
a chip/kebab shop withoot sleverin when yer blootert.

5. Ye kin fall
about pished withoot spilling yer drink.

6. Ye see people wearin shell
suits with burberry accessories pure class!

7. Ye measure distance
in  minutes.

8. Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just
like him, in yer ain family.

9. Ye go tae  Saltcoats cos ye think it is
like gaun tae the ocean.

10. Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer
wurds.

11. Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating
it.

12. Somedy ye know his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding
day date.

13. You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in
the
Church/Chapel.

14. Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas,
kebabs, fish n chips, iron-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop.

15.
Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it.

16. Ye know
irn-bru is a hangover cure.

17. Ye learnt tae sweer afore ye learnt tae
dae sums.

18. Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer
pals .

19. Finally, you are 100% Scot if you have ever said/heard these
words;

How's it  hingin
Clatty
Boggin
Cludgie
Pished
Get
it  up ye
Wee beasties
Erse bandit
Amurny
Away an bile  yer heid

Peely-wally
Humphey backit
Ba'-heid
Baw  bag
Dubble
nugget

And finally......

A wee  Glesga wumman goes intae a
butchershop, where the butcher has just came  oot the freezer, and is standing
haunds ahint his back,
with his erse aimed at an electric fire.
The
wee wumman checks oot the display case then asks, "Is that yer Ayrshire
bacon?"  "Naw," replies the butcher. "It's jist ma haun's ah'm  
heatin'.